It’s a stage where if you get it wrong, then your entire plan will be ruined and you’ll have to move onto the next person.
Below are the 5 most common mistakes when building rapport.
1. Trying Too Hard
You may have successfully built up rapport before using the same methods over and over, but for some individuals, a different approach is required.
However, a common mistake people make is trying too hard using the same method that has worked for others.
This sends signals out that you’re desperate which will make the subject feel under pressure or uneasy.
This will begin to shut down communications because you will seem too pushy to get the subject to do something. It’s similar to a salesman forcing a sale on you, but all he ends up doing is scaring you away.
2. Playing The Wrong Role
Another common mistake that people make is playing the wrong role inside of a relationship. Some people can only relate to others who have the same social standing as themselves.
What this means is that someone may be of a higher social status than yourself (which doesn’t imply that they’re a better person) but you must not be intimidated but instead, be flexible in your communications.
Sometimes you have to play different roles, such as the underdog, their equal or an authority figure. Start at a level that your subject will feel comfortable with then change it slowly so that they will have to adapt to you.
The worst that can happen is if you misplay your role initially thus, making that person distrust and dislike you.
3. Being Too Friendly
It’s not a bad thing to be friendly, but when you’re building rapport, friendliness should only be to a certain extent.
If you’re too friendly with someone, you may not get their full attention or miscommunicate some things resulting in a breakdown of the ‘real communication’ and instead, you’ve just brought up a barrier.
It’s vital that you’re precise with your communication of thoughts, ideas and feelings to whoever you’re speaking to.
4. Differentiating ‘Deep Rapport’ With ‘Wide Rapport’
Most people will try and establish what is called ‘deep rapport’ with who they’re speaking to. They will try to magnify a shared experience for example, a love for fast cars.
Many hours could be spent speaking to them about this, but this isn’t a good thing because the experience is confined to only that.
This is where ‘wide rapport’ comes in. It’s a method of giving your subject different experiences of yourself in various environments.
This way, they will get a better feeling of your personality and it will also create a wider set of contexts for both of you to speak about. This will make your subject more open to talk about other things.
There are two ways to enable ‘wide rapport’ and the first being the long way, which is actually going out to share these different experiences with that person. The second is by telling different kinds of stories which is called hypnotic storytelling.
5. Lack Of Genuine Interest
One of the most important parts of building rapport is sensing what your subject is feeling. In order to do that, you need to pay close attention and have a genuine interest for what he’s saying and doing.
I can’t stress how important this is because once you have real interest, your entire body language changes.
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